On solitude

Long time since I wrote anything. The last post was almost 6 years back. Time flies. But the words remain. Reminding yourself what you were. Maybe that's why I write. To capture time in pages.

Here is a poem I wrote today:

Solitude:

A disease which should not be caught too young

Like a drape of boredom, around your being was slung

I do not know how it came about this way

Not sure if to embrace it or runaway

Poets speak of its glory

People advice to quell it or bury

I am not sure of my disposition

A man of logic or a man of emotion

All I know, one thing is clear

My solitude, I no longer fear

Conversation with Chand

On my return journey from Coimbatore, boredom hit me with full force. So I picked up my phone and started messaging my friend, Shailend Chand(Moon) who also has a wonderful blog running here: http://shailend-tabernacle.blogspot.in/ . The conversation that ensued left me engaged for quite some time and I decided to immortalize it on the labyrinths of the wide web once I reached hostel. Here it is:

Me: ...then anything interesting?
Him: Savour the night sky. Esp the crescent moon.

Me: Ah the crescent moon, such seductive beauty. Possessing her beholders with a bond ineffable by the mightiest of human hearts. Even such its darker side casts upon us every month. But the servility of man to beauty is clearly reflected as we fall mesmerized under her false whiteness in this neverending cycle of celestial magnanimity.
Him: Holy shit! Let me get a dictionary first..

Me: There are more to words than its meaning my friend. When the connection between words and human mind is made the ideas which flow don't need language to be understood.
Him: Still, man. cannot afford to sacrifice precision upon the altar of emotion.

Me: You see the notion of idea should not be obfuscated with more worldly things like emotion. Salvation lies inside ideas and you may have to sacrifice the tangible to truly embrace it.
Him: Ideas are worldly entities, as tangible as the reality they inhabit. Salvation lies beyond, in their absence.

Me: What its the beyond if not the idea of man to escape the truth. The curse of one's being lifted in the beyond is a supercilious idea put into man's head since the time Eve took the unholy bite. When there was nothing the idea of being was what succeeded.
Him:Existence is forced upon man. Truth cannot deliver him from this. Only the abyss can. Over and out.

Love in the Time of Apocalypse

This is one piece that I wrote for my hostel Creative Writing entry. But the lit sec and his brainless minions found it uninterpretable. I am satisfied that my writing far surpasses the intellect of such chuts. :P 

He stared into her transfixed eyes. Besides the infinite reflections of himself he also saw infinitely more intrusive eyes, dark and empty eyes. He was morbidly surprised that such a sight could still arouse him because through her he was seeing a much filtered version of reality. He suppressed such thoughts and tried to be spontaneous. He fired a shot. 

There was a small effortless cry. She turned and saw that the shot had hit a medium sized rat straight between the eyes. She sensed her tongue pressing the roof of her suddenly wet mouth and swallowed. She was impressed. She picked up the rat and pulled out a black shiny bag with a big green dot in the center. The stuff you eat had to be protected by radiation. She started walking towards the boy. "That was a lucky shot" , said the girl. "Its either lucky or it's the pressure warp dynamics of this MZ32." "Where'd you get it?" "A dying vet Ortho gave it to me few months back when we were fighting some respawns in West Dunlop district." "That's an interesting story. Would you mind telling me about it over supper?" "If you don't mind walking a mile from here around a mini white hole" "That's a toughie. But I think I can take it" 

Spontaneity had worked. He was satisfied he could tell her something interesting. His mind wandered to what he will say about the West Dunlop respawn attack. He hadn't sleep for the next several weeks , not that he could. The Orthos had noticed remittant radiation from a cleaned area and they suspected the worst.It was his first field duty. All he had were two GZ11 pistols with 16 rounds each. And one MZ8 with one round of clips. The team leader, a vet, had smiled at him smugly and thrown the MZ32 at him. An hour later the vet was in his arms and died in a few minutes of rapid radiation induced gangrene infection. He had taken his ammo before leaving him. 

They reached the white hole. It was 100m wide and 40m deep, hence mini. Five meters down the hole the evening sun was getting reflected. It was as if the ten thousand hollow sockets were exuding the light. This was just the kind of romantic setting he had wanted. "Reminds me of the sunsets by the lake in Dunlop" said he. "It's nice you still remember" They walked shoulder by shoulder across the hole talking how the skulls would have looked if they had faces on them. She laughed. And he imagined that the skulls were laughing too. They reached a fully closed building, the only one like that in visible range. It had a bar code like symbol painted on it. A sign of human habitat. They walked down the stairs near the entrance and reached a thick gate of solid metal. They entered the small basement. It smelled of blood and iodine. He started the generator and heated the microwave. She took out the rat and started skinning it. He picked up a skull from under his bed and placed it in the center of the room. Then he took out a wax tablet from his backpack and placed it on top of the skull. "Haha. You have a sick sense of humor", she said. "He never minds a candle light dinner." "So tell me about Dunlop".  "I was 16 when it happened....." 

They stayed awake the whole night talking.

Hush little baby (drug version)

Hush, little baby, don't say a word, Papa's gonna buy you a cannabis roll.

And if that roll don't give you a trip, Papa's gonna mix some hash in it.

And if that joint turns smoky before the hit, Papa's gonna buy you some crystal meth.

And if that glass gets broke before the time is up, Papa's gonna buy you some LSD.

And if that acid doesn't make your world go blue,Papa's gonna buy you a syringe and some black tar .

And if that tar won't blow your mind, Papa's gonna mix everything that was ever made.

And if the cocktail is yet not the bomb, Papa's gonna shoot you twice in the gut (if you are still alive).

The voice.

Your heart beat goes up and you don't understand why? It drives you crazy and your heart beat goes up further. WTF! Human mind gets really psyched up if it doesn't understand whats happening to the body it's responsible for controlling. Lose control. You try to recollect what happened. It was just a voice, directed at you. For a short duration thankfully as you couldn't have held on any longer. But there wasn't anything special to the voice nor the message it conveyed; it was very normal. But then it strikes you after hours of struggle to get back to reality: the normality was what rushed the blood into your head; your mind unconsciously hoping to turn the normalcy to something special. Something more than normal; extraordinary if you will, magical if you may.

For once you try to be honest about it to yourself: you were waiting for that moment. Planning for hours on how to face those few seconds. How to face that voice. You had a good plan but alas it didn't go well. Because you forgot, and you learnt it the hard way, that that voice blows your mind away. You are so spellbound that your mind now tries to breakaway. You lose concentration, purpose and reason. Your plan is failing miserably and then you commit a stupid mistake. You try to stick to the plan. The plan, my dear readers, is a trick your mind plays on you to convince you that you are in control. Lost control.

You are someone who learns from mistakes. You don't blame your surroundings on your failure, you blame yourself. You rectify. And my dear readers , this is what I learnt: The plan is to lose. Lose yourself in that voice which you so much adored for no reason. Don't find a purpose;there isn't one. Losing is gaining control.

30 day song challenge ?

WTF is the fuss with this thing anyway? And why_TF is it a "challenge" ? Do we get a prize for this? Whats the prize? Can I exchange it for something I like, if I dont like the aforementioned prize? Free Farmville points? Yipeee!!

Anyway, since most of the categories in 30 types are really random and overlapping, and since I am a big fan of only METAL and PROGRESSIVE ROCK ( none of which makes me feel guilty or makes me wanna dance to), I will post some songs without any tags here:

PS: Before you close this page expecting some howlish shouting collision of distortion, let me tell you this: distortion is not metal, the tune is.Personally I dont like too much distorted guitars. Many metal songs are bad but the ones that are good will surely blow your mind away with their awesome energy and epic-ness.

Opeth - Black Rose Immortal; 20 minutes of pure epicness especially the second half. And if you just want a glimpse of what metal is : listen from 12:00 to 15:00.



Agalloch - Limbs; the vocals are just glorious. this song gets me energized every time I hear it.



Pink Floyd - High Hipes; a song so beautiful, it brings tears to my eyes.



Black Sabbath - Black Sabbath; really this song makes me forget all the superficiality of the world and makes me reach inside to what I really am :p



Porcupine Tree - Arriving Somewhere But Not Here; Defines progressive awesomeoness. Listen from 5:00. Period.

Where art thou, good friend?

Damn I don't have good friends. The people I like living with - the "cool", carefree and fun loving people but who are NOT unreliable, irresponsible and idiots- are the rarest species on the face of the Universe. By experience, I can say in fair confidence that there are 4 dimensions to a person's personality: one is the ultra vague "cool"ness, the second is , another loose term here, "muggu"ness, the third is responsibility and the final is "arbit"ness, which means showing out of the ordinary kind of behaviour from the usual. The first two are obviously independent complete spaces, the third is an unprecisely defined space but shown to resemble a non-invariant linear combination of first two and the final is some arbit transformation of the first three spaces.

Enough technical jargon and definitions let's get on to the first line of this post. Well, in my life here in IIT I have lived with lots of different people. All my friends. But here is what I go through typically with different classes of people:

CLASS A or alpha or peace putters - They are the most sought out class. But to be actually here you need to leap a really arbit curve from the second and third dimension so its really painful,morally, to come to this dimension. You can't just come here for some arbitrary period of time and leave. You must carry a certain threshold measure to be actually here.More of this class can only be explained using quantum computation so I will not go into that.

CLASS B or beta or muggus or tam brahms(:p) - They derive most of their attributes from gamma class, and hence have a (hidden) muggu nature where they want to put 10 pointers in every course of every department because learning, as they are told, is their job.

CLASS C or gamma or wannabe cores - These are the responsible people who take pain and sweat to get things done. They are generally liked since they care for social welfare and other such garbage but also hoped to loosen up a little bit. This is the simplest dimension to get in and get out(ask saarang coords) but to stay in takes courage and determination.

Class D or delta or arbit - This is the class jfka7k kj984 . Studies trying to explain such behaviour have kjdf989 343d%^% because the people FASD6767&^&^. The true meaning of life is supposed to be scattered in pieces all over this dimension but requires all the pieces and then a 1024bit cracker to decipher it. Actually this is because djfakljdf989$%$ which is why ff gfg6767676234223456780 948.


So you are pissed at me because I gave you another round of heavy technical education. I am sorry but here we are finally. I have been totally pissed because my close friends are never a healthy mix of all these 4 classes. They are either heavily of A: which ends up me getting infinitely pained , or B: which makes me bored to death. Well I didnt expect to write this much( actually I was not gonna write the first 2 paras and only write this para but I guess I am in 4th dimension now) so I am not gonna explain any situations that might have motivated this blog post but I am sure feeling relieved now.